I had some circulation issues last night. I was standing talking to Charles without any shoes on and all the sudden he said, "what did you get all over your feet?" I looked down and my toes were nearly black and my feet were dark purple. I pulled up my PJ pants and my legs were purple all the way up to my thighs. I immediately sat down and put my feet up and the purple went away almost instantly. I wonder what caused it and I also wonder how many times that has happened and I didn't really realize it because I had socks and shoes on - since most of my standing happens here at work. My legs seem to go to sleep quite a bit. Maybe I need to be a little more watchful.
I go to the doctor tomorrow, but its so much easier to remember when something happened if I can go back and check my blog. Lots of women have circulation issues the whole time they are pregnant so it doesn't really freak me out - but I couldn't help but take notice of something so bizarre.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
So what was the big surprise Charles was planning? He bought plane tickets for the four of us to spend spring break in California with my sister and her family. Sounds great, doesn't it?
Not when you consider that I will be in my 3rd trimester and have a history of blood clots! He called the doctor's office before getting the tickets, but only talked to a nurse and did not specify anything about the DVT history. I'm going to see both my doctors Wednesday to get the official word from them, but at best I will be uncomfortable with the travel plans - even after they are "doctor approved." 4 hours to D*llas followed by a 3 1/2 hour flight at 29 and 30 weeks? Seriously?
The internet is the great enabler of obsessing (which I am doing with gusto), but I have found 3 sites that say it is inadvisable to travel in the third trimester even if your history with blood clots was before pregnancy.
Add this to my EXTREME fear of flying and claustrophobia and you have the next 5 weeks of me obsessing over this flight.
Worst of all - I have made everyone that worked the last month to put this together sad. They are all severely disappointed at my lack of enthusiasm. Of course they couldn't wait for me to find out and be overjoyed - I just don't have the joy over a trip that I think would so questionable (at best). So for my birthday - everyone is unhappy with me (and the people pleaser in me is crushed by that).
Between this and my depression about turning 30 - I spent yesterday at home in tears. I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house - even for church.
I'm hoping that I can blog this out and get rid of some of my disappointment and self centered worry over how much I am disappointing everyone. I know this doesn't sound like me - it isn't the way I want to react to this. Can I blame it on hormones? I don't know what to blame except that I just feel like it is a bad situation. I need a healthy change in perspective- I know (don't even think of commenting to tell me so). I need an added dose of grace toward the husband that thought he was doing a really good thing (I already know this too!). I need the extra understanding for those that I have disappointed. I need to put on my big girl panties and carry on - it will all work out in the end.
Not when you consider that I will be in my 3rd trimester and have a history of blood clots! He called the doctor's office before getting the tickets, but only talked to a nurse and did not specify anything about the DVT history. I'm going to see both my doctors Wednesday to get the official word from them, but at best I will be uncomfortable with the travel plans - even after they are "doctor approved." 4 hours to D*llas followed by a 3 1/2 hour flight at 29 and 30 weeks? Seriously?
The internet is the great enabler of obsessing (which I am doing with gusto), but I have found 3 sites that say it is inadvisable to travel in the third trimester even if your history with blood clots was before pregnancy.
Add this to my EXTREME fear of flying and claustrophobia and you have the next 5 weeks of me obsessing over this flight.
Worst of all - I have made everyone that worked the last month to put this together sad. They are all severely disappointed at my lack of enthusiasm. Of course they couldn't wait for me to find out and be overjoyed - I just don't have the joy over a trip that I think would so questionable (at best). So for my birthday - everyone is unhappy with me (and the people pleaser in me is crushed by that).
Between this and my depression about turning 30 - I spent yesterday at home in tears. I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house - even for church.
I'm hoping that I can blog this out and get rid of some of my disappointment and self centered worry over how much I am disappointing everyone. I know this doesn't sound like me - it isn't the way I want to react to this. Can I blame it on hormones? I don't know what to blame except that I just feel like it is a bad situation. I need a healthy change in perspective- I know (don't even think of commenting to tell me so). I need an added dose of grace toward the husband that thought he was doing a really good thing (I already know this too!). I need the extra understanding for those that I have disappointed. I need to put on my big girl panties and carry on - it will all work out in the end.
Thankfully birthdays are only once a year, so even if they are horrible - you know you don't have to have another one for a whole year, right?
I know my perspective is askew right now. I'm not being fair.
Also I have decided that I only like the idea of suprises - not actual suprises - the same way that I usually like a wrapped present much better than an open one.
I know my perspective is askew right now. I'm not being fair.
Also I have decided that I only like the idea of suprises - not actual suprises - the same way that I usually like a wrapped present much better than an open one.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Birthday Flowers
Charles had flowers delivered to my office today. What a sweet suprise - he's so sweet you'd think I would expect stuff like this, but he's good at keeping me guessing. They are beautiful and my whole office smells of birthday flowers:)
I've decided this officially starts my birthday weekend. I will be THIRTY on Sunday - which I think is a delightfully big deal:) Tonight will be family game night and I'm planning to go by the store on the way home to pick stuff up to make a warm, yummy supper for us all to enjoy to start off the weekend.
Tomorrow will be a work day for elementary room parents - painting and cleaning, etc. Then Charles plans to grill something yummy for supper (I love when he grills - no matter what he's cooking). All I know about my birthday present is that he has been planning it for a long time (which already makes it special) and that Kaitlin and my mom both know what it is.
I've decided this officially starts my birthday weekend. I will be THIRTY on Sunday - which I think is a delightfully big deal:) Tonight will be family game night and I'm planning to go by the store on the way home to pick stuff up to make a warm, yummy supper for us all to enjoy to start off the weekend.
Tomorrow will be a work day for elementary room parents - painting and cleaning, etc. Then Charles plans to grill something yummy for supper (I love when he grills - no matter what he's cooking). All I know about my birthday present is that he has been planning it for a long time (which already makes it special) and that Kaitlin and my mom both know what it is.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Jonathan
Jonathan is six years old. He can tie his shoes and open his own milk. When he stands next to me, the top of his head almost reaches the top of my shoulder. He has finally lost his first tooth. He is learning to read, and tries to read every sign and box we pass. He is growing in so many ways.
Lately the growth I am seeing in him is spiritual. There are many things that I have prayed over him since before he was born including that he would grow to be a man with a heart for the Lord. I have prayed those words over him many nights as he slept - a heart for the Lord. I have watched and wondered what kind of man the Lord would grow him to be. God is showing me glimpses.
I wouldn't even know how to begin putting Jonathan's spirit into words for a written blog. I have blogged often about his snuggling, but it is so much more than snuggles. It is the quiet spirit of affection that he offers in those snuggles. I have blogged about how introverted he is (that can't be denied), but there is a certain introspection that he offers in his shyness. But the thing I want to blog about today is the thing that we have seen growing in him since last year (and now looking back can see even before that) - leadership.
As early as Jonathan could talk he was looking out for others. If we offered him a treat (a gummy bear or apple slice) he would say in his sweet baby voice, "I wan two." I would give him two and he would take one to his sister (this was every time). When he was potty training and got gummy bears - his sister made out very well. She would encourage him to go potty knowing that he wouldn't take a treat without getting one for her! Looking back, I am going to call this a early sign of leadership, because I believe a good leader looks out for others. He somehow mastered this very early.
Earlier this year I was able to eat lunch with Jonathan in the cafeteria at the table with his friends. Kids from his table and tables around us kept coming up and handing Jonathan things - milk, ketchup packages, silverware packages. He would open whatever was handed to him, smile and hand it back. I realized very quickly that Jonathan had somehow become "the opener". He didn't mind the interruptions - it was obviously just what he did every day at lunch.
Recently Jonathan was given a test for Kindergarten level in which his teacher and I had to fill out parent/teacher evaluation forms. The last space on the form was labeled "leadership". Separately, she and I had each scored him highest in this area based on several questions:
Is sought out by peers for advice
Sensitive to the needs and concerns of others
A peacemaker
Inspires loyalty
Viewed as fair and caring
When asked for examples, his teacher noted that Jonathan is the "go to" guy in his class. Other students come to him when they need their shoes tied, help with a word or if someone is hurt on the playground.
I listed similar things, but I would also add (here because I didn't put this on the form) a note about "inspires loyalty." This kid has some sort of charm. He is loved everywhere he goes. Believe me - he puts no effort into this. He makes no attempts to "people please" or show off his best stuff. He just goes in with his quiet, calm spirit and he is just very easy to love.
I just wanted to get some of the many thoughts I've been having about this lately down on paper so that I can go back at a later time and see how he has continued to grow and change. It seems to be happening so fast. I think in some ways I am clinging and grasping, because whether or not a new baby is on the way - Jonathan is not a baby anymore. True he will not be the official "baby" of the family anymore in a few months. But a part of me has to confess (even though I tell him he will ALWAYS be my baby) he is no longer a baby already.
Lately the growth I am seeing in him is spiritual. There are many things that I have prayed over him since before he was born including that he would grow to be a man with a heart for the Lord. I have prayed those words over him many nights as he slept - a heart for the Lord. I have watched and wondered what kind of man the Lord would grow him to be. God is showing me glimpses.
I wouldn't even know how to begin putting Jonathan's spirit into words for a written blog. I have blogged often about his snuggling, but it is so much more than snuggles. It is the quiet spirit of affection that he offers in those snuggles. I have blogged about how introverted he is (that can't be denied), but there is a certain introspection that he offers in his shyness. But the thing I want to blog about today is the thing that we have seen growing in him since last year (and now looking back can see even before that) - leadership.
As early as Jonathan could talk he was looking out for others. If we offered him a treat (a gummy bear or apple slice) he would say in his sweet baby voice, "I wan two." I would give him two and he would take one to his sister (this was every time). When he was potty training and got gummy bears - his sister made out very well. She would encourage him to go potty knowing that he wouldn't take a treat without getting one for her! Looking back, I am going to call this a early sign of leadership, because I believe a good leader looks out for others. He somehow mastered this very early.
Earlier this year I was able to eat lunch with Jonathan in the cafeteria at the table with his friends. Kids from his table and tables around us kept coming up and handing Jonathan things - milk, ketchup packages, silverware packages. He would open whatever was handed to him, smile and hand it back. I realized very quickly that Jonathan had somehow become "the opener". He didn't mind the interruptions - it was obviously just what he did every day at lunch.
Recently Jonathan was given a test for Kindergarten level in which his teacher and I had to fill out parent/teacher evaluation forms. The last space on the form was labeled "leadership". Separately, she and I had each scored him highest in this area based on several questions:
Is sought out by peers for advice
Sensitive to the needs and concerns of others
A peacemaker
Inspires loyalty
Viewed as fair and caring
When asked for examples, his teacher noted that Jonathan is the "go to" guy in his class. Other students come to him when they need their shoes tied, help with a word or if someone is hurt on the playground.
I listed similar things, but I would also add (here because I didn't put this on the form) a note about "inspires loyalty." This kid has some sort of charm. He is loved everywhere he goes. Believe me - he puts no effort into this. He makes no attempts to "people please" or show off his best stuff. He just goes in with his quiet, calm spirit and he is just very easy to love.
I just wanted to get some of the many thoughts I've been having about this lately down on paper so that I can go back at a later time and see how he has continued to grow and change. It seems to be happening so fast. I think in some ways I am clinging and grasping, because whether or not a new baby is on the way - Jonathan is not a baby anymore. True he will not be the official "baby" of the family anymore in a few months. But a part of me has to confess (even though I tell him he will ALWAYS be my baby) he is no longer a baby already.
Things that make us stop and notice: Jonathan has been asking questions about the money in the offering plate at church, and Sunday he decided that he wanted to put his tooth fairy money in the plate. Then during children's church he offered to say the prayer. It was the combination of those two acts along with the school forms that really started my mind on this road of thinking about Jonathan's spiritual growth. May his heart continue to grow toward God all the days of his life.
Monday, February 1, 2010
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