This is a late night - can't sleep - get it out of my head type blog. I'm leaving for CA to see my sis and niece on the 10th. I say "I" because it is I and I alone that will be going. I'm leaving the kids here with Charles for Fri-Thursday. Every time I think about leaving the kids for that long I cry and want to throw up. It is a horrible feeling. I'm praying that I can just get thru this so that I can enjoy the precious time with Casie and Z:(, but I can't imagine being ok w/o my kids for an entire week. I don't get to see them (C and Z) much, and I want to enjoy the time I have with them. Also I am completely terrified about flying and the changeover that I have in Dallas, so on top of leaving for that long I am freaking out about flying. I feel like I need to tell Charles where all the important stuff is - I'm talking seriously afraid!
I've had lots of these nights - where I can't sleep b/c of this. Tonight I was just laying there wondering if any of you have done anything like this? If you have (and it went well) please, please leave me a comment. If you think it is horrible that I would leave my kids for 6 days - obviously keep it to yourself! So there! Pray for me to get through this. Some of you may think that I am fully being ridiculous. But not many people even read this - and those who do probably wouldn't expect any less. In fact, I'm pretty certain that if my sister were about to leave Z for a week, she too would be unable to sleep (which is why I hope she understands.)
I thought I would feel better for blogging. Maybe I will soon. I have company coming tomorrow that I am really looking forward to. I should be thinking about that, right?
While you are up reading (some of you as late as I am typing) go over to my photog blog and leave me some love in the comment section of my latest posts.
Good night (I hope).
2 comments:
I UNDERSTAND. I did it for the first time last spring. I left the kids at my parents' house and flew all the way up to Seattle all by myself, with a really long layover in Salt Lake City, for a church planting boot camp. Jason and Jason drove up there from Westwood to meet me, and my Jason was late picking me up from the Seatac airport, and I sat there at eleven pm with all the drug pushers, trying so hard not to cry. And you know how much I love going and flying and being all independent and adventurous, right?? It's so different after kids though, because you keep thinking about them and feeling all wrong for even being away from them, and worrying that it's going to end in disaster and they'll never see you again, and they won't go to bed on time! I so totally understand. But you probably won't die, and you'll probably get to talk to them on the phone a lot, and they'll probably act like it's the most normal thing in the world for you to be 2,000 miles away. And then you'll go home and have happy reunion hugs and be glad you went and swear you'll never do that again till they're 20. I wish I was going to be down in Southern CA while you're here. I'm way up at the top now. But at least it's not hot. That's what I keep telling myself. ;)
I'm sorry you're losing sleep over this...but that's my #1 coping mech too. I've never flown alone....though that might be a nifty title for a poem?...But don't think of it as flying by yourself, "SuperMom". You love a VERY big God who loves you and has given you VERY big promises about His constant companionship and your ultimate safety. He blessed you with an enthusiastically competent hubbie and the love you two share has grounded your children's emotions in such a beautiful way that this separation is gonna be good for everyone involved. A little stretch, a little challenge, a little solitude, a little sista-time, and a big ol' family nite when you get back.
Take care....I'm praying for you!
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