Not the News I Wanted to Share

I had a much different post planned for this weekend. This Sunday Charles and I planned to make a big announcement at church. I bought Jonathan a shirt that says, "I'm going to be a Big Brother!" Then I was going to come here to my blog and post pictures of him wearing the shirt and share our exciting news with all of you. This Sunday I would have been 7 weeks pregnant.
However, yesterday after an emotional 6 hours in the Emergency Room, I was confirmed to have had a miscarriage. I am posting this now, because I am ready to get the telling people part over, because blogging is my therapy, because I need so desperatly for you all to help pray me through this.
I am truly heartbroken. Today I am cramping and mourning.

Things that will be hard:

The kids have been praying for a little sister (Kaitlin) and a little brother (Jonathan) for months, and lately they bring it up all the time. That has been a source of joy for the past few weeks - knowing that their prayers were being answered. Now that will be a source of pain. Two days ago I informed the kids that a family member was pregnant and the first words out of J's mouth were, "Can we have it?"

There are pregnant people around me that I want to rejoice for - I will need God's help and comfort not to be made sad by something that should bring such joy.

My mother ordered me some maternity pants that I was very excited about. They were in the door when I got home last night.

I think I am now on a mailing list to get a baby catalog from T*rget and a few other places. I don't want to see them now.

I still have to tell the dentist and the chiro - they had to know for obvious reasons. I guess we can schedule the crowns I need after all.

Jan 7th - the due date

E-mail is hard enough - no calls please. For now, I don't want to talk. Just pray for us.