Holding On

There are things about my children that I know will not last forever. Some of these things we rejoice over - no more diapers, when they can finally tie their shoes, when they can get in and out of the car seat by themself, when they can feed themselves without making a terrible mess. Then there are things that we know we will miss when they are gone. As moms we have all teared up (or fully bawled) over a favorite outfit that has been outgrown or when we look at a picture from the year before and realize how much our children have grown. The first time I realized Kaitlin didn't have any more baby fat in her face or her little fingers I felt this way. Its this feeling of wanting to hold on as tight as possible - wanting to soak up and cherish every little moment.


As parents our goal is to create independent creatures - so why do acts of independence make us cringe or cry? I remember the night before Kaitlin started to Kindergarten. I had her all to myself for nearly 6 years - I felt like I was giving part of her up. After Kaitlin was asleep with her little pink backpack and first day of school outfit all laid out - Charles and I went outside to talk and look at the stars. I cried and Charles held me as we slow danced under the basketball goal. ( I have often said I am going to try to write a book about these moments and call it "Dancing Under the Basketball Goal".)


Today is Pre-K registration. Here Pre-K is from 8:00-11:00. I have really struggled with whether or not to put Jonathan in Pre-K. I never even considered it with Kaitlin (my most social butterfly). I am not considering it for academic reasons - the child is already starting to read, and I think he is on target as far as that is concerned. But for him, I wonder if the transition from full time with mom to full day kindergarten would be too much. This would be sort of a transition helper for him. I have done the pros and cons to death. I am fairly certain that most of the cons are the selfish ones. The ones that come from the part of my heart that will miss morning snuggles more than I think I can bare.


Jonathan snuggles are one of the things that I want so badly to capture somehow. I can't just get a picture or even a video to explain these snuggles! Snuggling is serious business to this kid, and he is the Best! Every morning we have oodles of snuggle time either in bed or in the recliner. Sometimes we read, sometimes we watch a movie, and sometimes we are just quiet and snuggle. When I was pregnant I knew that Jonathan would probably be my last, and I prayed for a snuggler. God provided for that prayer abundantly. Sometimes I will wake up with Jonathan gently patting my face and wanting to snuggle. I get 1,000 kisses and butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses a day! "How bout after you study, we can snuggle in the chair? I'll get a blanket." He is beyond precious. Since Kaitlin has been in school, we have used that time after she is dropped off to have our most precious of snuggle time. Their age difference has been a blessing, because I feel like Kaitlin had me all to herself for three years before he was born and he has had me all to himself during the day since she has been at school (that's fair, huh). I think that time in the morning has been the biggest thing holding me back on this Pre-K thing.


I outright asked Jonathan this morning if he would like to go to school next year, and he said yes. Charles says yes. Mommie says, probably with tears in her eyes.