I had a much different post planned for this weekend. This Sunday Charles and I planned to make a big announcement at church. I bought Jonathan a shirt that says, "I'm going to be a Big Brother!" Then I was going to come here to my blog and post pictures of him wearing the shirt and share our exciting news with all of you. This Sunday I would have been 7 weeks pregnant.
However, yesterday after an emotional 6 hours in the Emergency Room, I was confirmed to have had a miscarriage. I am posting this now, because I am ready to get the telling people part over, because blogging is my therapy, because I need so desperatly for you all to help pray me through this.
I am truly heartbroken. Today I am cramping and mourning.
Things that will be hard:
The kids have been praying for a little sister (Kaitlin) and a little brother (Jonathan) for months, and lately they bring it up all the time. That has been a source of joy for the past few weeks - knowing that their prayers were being answered. Now that will be a source of pain. Two days ago I informed the kids that a family member was pregnant and the first words out of J's mouth were, "Can we have it?"
There are pregnant people around me that I want to rejoice for - I will need God's help and comfort not to be made sad by something that should bring such joy.
My mother ordered me some maternity pants that I was very excited about. They were in the door when I got home last night.
I think I am now on a mailing list to get a baby catalog from T*rget and a few other places. I don't want to see them now.
I still have to tell the dentist and the chiro - they had to know for obvious reasons. I guess we can schedule the crowns I need after all.
Jan 7th - the due date
E-mail is hard enough - no calls please. For now, I don't want to talk. Just pray for us.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
A girl at church: Jonathan, how old are you?
Jonathan: I'm 4 - if you count the side kick
Girl: side kick?
Jonathan: You got it babe!
This morning
Jonathan: Mom, you know what I have never done?
Me: What?
Jonathan: I've never hopped on a bird and flown in the air to eat some cloud fluff. I almost did that the other day, but the bird was near the road and you wouldn't want me to go there.
Jonathan: I'm 4 - if you count the side kick
Girl: side kick?
Jonathan: You got it babe!
This morning
Jonathan: Mom, you know what I have never done?
Me: What?
Jonathan: I've never hopped on a bird and flown in the air to eat some cloud fluff. I almost did that the other day, but the bird was near the road and you wouldn't want me to go there.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Humming the Graduation March
I finished finals and Charles graduates Saturday. Now if I can just get the house clean before family arrives tomorrow. I haven't had much time to clean with school and GT and GAs and youth and and and and.....
I downloaded the graduation march to my ITunes today:)
Jonathan is eating sweet pickles dipped in ranch and making a book about bugs with puffy stickers.
Kaitlin is pushing on toward 250 points (reading) to earn her "froggie collection".
I downloaded the graduation march to my ITunes today:)
Jonathan is eating sweet pickles dipped in ranch and making a book about bugs with puffy stickers.
Kaitlin is pushing on toward 250 points (reading) to earn her "froggie collection".
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Sue's Update
The following is copied from an e-mail that Sue sent out a few minutes ago. It gives an overview of what is going on so far:
Just a quick overview and update, so I don't have to call everyone...
Thursday my mom, Fran, went to the doctor b/c vision out of her left eye is fuzzy and the color is distorted. The eye doctor thinks she has MS. Very scary. They schedule tests for Friday.
Friday mom had several test done and was told to come back next Wed for her results and her physician did not seemed too concerned. After her appointments she and my grandmother went shopping and my mother started loosing control and strength in her right arm and leg. The went back to the doctor before leaving town and he looked at her MRI and saw a large tumor behind her left eye that was causing the trouble. He put her in the local Greenville hospital immediately. As the evening progressed, she continued loosing more control and mobility in her right side until she couldn't move her leg at all by midnight and the doctors are very concerned at the pace at which she is deteriorating. They decided to go ahead and put her on steroids to stabalize her, which they believe worked for now. They have called Baylor and Presbyterian in Dallas and they are going to transfer her to the first hospital with a room available. More test will be done tomorrow and hopefully a specialist will be able to tell us about the tumor.
Saturday morning they are about to transfer mom to Presbyterian in Dallas and she still cannot move her leg at all. They think she is stabalized, but has still gotten worse as time passes. I am leaving for Dallas now; I will feel better when I am by her side. My brother and sister both have previous engagements today and I have finals next week, so your prayers for my family as life continues and we try to find out what is happening to my mom are appreciated. Thanks for your prayers.
Just a quick overview and update, so I don't have to call everyone...
Thursday my mom, Fran, went to the doctor b/c vision out of her left eye is fuzzy and the color is distorted. The eye doctor thinks she has MS. Very scary. They schedule tests for Friday.
Friday mom had several test done and was told to come back next Wed for her results and her physician did not seemed too concerned. After her appointments she and my grandmother went shopping and my mother started loosing control and strength in her right arm and leg. The went back to the doctor before leaving town and he looked at her MRI and saw a large tumor behind her left eye that was causing the trouble. He put her in the local Greenville hospital immediately. As the evening progressed, she continued loosing more control and mobility in her right side until she couldn't move her leg at all by midnight and the doctors are very concerned at the pace at which she is deteriorating. They decided to go ahead and put her on steroids to stabalize her, which they believe worked for now. They have called Baylor and Presbyterian in Dallas and they are going to transfer her to the first hospital with a room available. More test will be done tomorrow and hopefully a specialist will be able to tell us about the tumor.
Saturday morning they are about to transfer mom to Presbyterian in Dallas and she still cannot move her leg at all. They think she is stabalized, but has still gotten worse as time passes. I am leaving for Dallas now; I will feel better when I am by her side. My brother and sister both have previous engagements today and I have finals next week, so your prayers for my family as life continues and we try to find out what is happening to my mom are appreciated. Thanks for your prayers.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
You know that song about 99 bottles of root beer on the wall
You remember....take one down pass it around 98,97..........54,53,52...................19,18,17.................6,5,4,
Have you ever made it all the way to one?
Well, I can't help humming that song a little today as I knock one thing at a time off my list. Final reflection (check), Lesson Plans for Technology (check) - and so forth. I have some late nights ahead before finals on Tuesday, but I am finishing strong. (Charles has been such a good example).
Last night Sue and Michael came over. It was reminiscent of ETBU days when my house was full of people studying. In those days when Sue got tired of studying she would say, "well, I'm going to Wendy's - anybody want anything?" Then she would bring back spicy chicken sandwiches and fries and cokes. I would always try to have plenty of caffeine, chips and candy snacks available. Last night, knowing that this would be the last time we were all gathered around a table of books and laptops - Sue brought Wendy's all the way from the big A. It was a little cold, but it brought tears to my eyes. I set up a little mini bar with M&Ms and various other candy, chips, coffee, popcorn, cookies, etc.
It has been a long road. Charles has seen many sunrises - 2 this week in fact. Today he turns in his last big assignment for his Masters work. Next week he will take his finals, and on the 10th he will walk the stage. He has been humming the graduation song for months now - encouraging himself toward this prize - this finish!
8 years ago - May 1st, 2000 Charles started at LP. He was in "the pit". It was HOT (well over 100 degrees as he was under a 450 degree press!) It was dirty. He shoveled in the pit for twelve hours with just a lunch break and a coke to keep him going. It was that pit that Charles committed to getting out of. Of course he moved up within the company quickly - he is an incredibly hard worker and his positive attitude moves people. But in 2002 after Charles nearly lost his finger in that saw mill, we made the choice to cut his income in half and head to Marshall to ETBU! God has directed every step of this journey. From the moment we surrendered our lives to him - He has moved us - and we are thankful for every step (even the tough ones). I look back at the three years at ETBU when our annual income tax never listed over $11,500 for the year. I look back at Charles taking Greek and Hebrew and waiting tables - then loading the kids on his back for a horsie ride around the house. I look back at all the nights that he came to bed and I sleepily looked at the 3:00 on the clock by the bed.
He has made it! We are here! It is so exciting to be on top of this mountain! Now, you remember the bear that went over the mountain don't you? What did he do when he got to the top of the mountain??? He saw another mountain! Strap on your climbing boots - Phd will come - and I promise you - he will climb, he will work hard, and with God's help - he will climb that next mountain!
You remember....take one down pass it around 98,97..........54,53,52...................19,18,17.................6,5,4,
Have you ever made it all the way to one?
Well, I can't help humming that song a little today as I knock one thing at a time off my list. Final reflection (check), Lesson Plans for Technology (check) - and so forth. I have some late nights ahead before finals on Tuesday, but I am finishing strong. (Charles has been such a good example).
Last night Sue and Michael came over. It was reminiscent of ETBU days when my house was full of people studying. In those days when Sue got tired of studying she would say, "well, I'm going to Wendy's - anybody want anything?" Then she would bring back spicy chicken sandwiches and fries and cokes. I would always try to have plenty of caffeine, chips and candy snacks available. Last night, knowing that this would be the last time we were all gathered around a table of books and laptops - Sue brought Wendy's all the way from the big A. It was a little cold, but it brought tears to my eyes. I set up a little mini bar with M&Ms and various other candy, chips, coffee, popcorn, cookies, etc.
It has been a long road. Charles has seen many sunrises - 2 this week in fact. Today he turns in his last big assignment for his Masters work. Next week he will take his finals, and on the 10th he will walk the stage. He has been humming the graduation song for months now - encouraging himself toward this prize - this finish!
8 years ago - May 1st, 2000 Charles started at LP. He was in "the pit". It was HOT (well over 100 degrees as he was under a 450 degree press!) It was dirty. He shoveled in the pit for twelve hours with just a lunch break and a coke to keep him going. It was that pit that Charles committed to getting out of. Of course he moved up within the company quickly - he is an incredibly hard worker and his positive attitude moves people. But in 2002 after Charles nearly lost his finger in that saw mill, we made the choice to cut his income in half and head to Marshall to ETBU! God has directed every step of this journey. From the moment we surrendered our lives to him - He has moved us - and we are thankful for every step (even the tough ones). I look back at the three years at ETBU when our annual income tax never listed over $11,500 for the year. I look back at Charles taking Greek and Hebrew and waiting tables - then loading the kids on his back for a horsie ride around the house. I look back at all the nights that he came to bed and I sleepily looked at the 3:00 on the clock by the bed.
He has made it! We are here! It is so exciting to be on top of this mountain! Now, you remember the bear that went over the mountain don't you? What did he do when he got to the top of the mountain??? He saw another mountain! Strap on your climbing boots - Phd will come - and I promise you - he will climb, he will work hard, and with God's help - he will climb that next mountain!
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