So what was the big surprise Charles was planning? He bought plane tickets for the four of us to spend spring break in California with my sister and her family. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Not when you consider that I will be in my 3rd trimester and have a history of blood clots! He called the doctor's office before getting the tickets, but only talked to a nurse and did not specify anything about the DVT history. I'm going to see both my doctors Wednesday to get the official word from them, but at best I will be uncomfortable with the travel plans - even after they are "doctor approved." 4 hours to D*llas followed by a 3 1/2 hour flight at 29 and 30 weeks? Seriously?
The internet is the great enabler of obsessing (which I am doing with gusto), but I have found 3 sites that say it is inadvisable to travel in the third trimester even if your history with blood clots was before pregnancy.
Add this to my EXTREME fear of flying and claustrophobia and you have the next 5 weeks of me obsessing over this flight.
Worst of all - I have made everyone that worked the last month to put this together sad. They are all severely disappointed at my lack of enthusiasm. Of course they couldn't wait for me to find out and be overjoyed - I just don't have the joy over a trip that I think would so questionable (at best). So for my birthday - everyone is unhappy with me (and the people pleaser in me is crushed by that).
Between this and my depression about turning 30 - I spent yesterday at home in tears. I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house - even for church.
I'm hoping that I can blog this out and get rid of some of my disappointment and self centered worry over how much I am disappointing everyone. I know this doesn't sound like me - it isn't the way I want to react to this. Can I blame it on hormones? I don't know what to blame except that I just feel like it is a bad situation. I need a healthy change in perspective- I know (don't even think of commenting to tell me so). I need an added dose of grace toward the husband that thought he was doing a really good thing (I already know this too!). I need the extra understanding for those that I have disappointed. I need to put on my big girl panties and carry on - it will all work out in the end.